Category Archives: Essay’s

Compassion over “Sides”

A Thought Piece.

—————Authors Note————-

“In this, I present a perspective on the Israeli-Palestinian conflict that aims to provoke thought and encourage empathy. It is important to note that while this essay touches upon various aspects of the conflict, it does not claim to provide all-encompassing solutions or address all opposing viewpoints. Rather, it serves as a thought exercise, prompting us to consider the futility of war, the value of empathy, and the significance of listening to those directly affected. While some complexities of the conflict may not be fully captured, the intention is to foster a compassionate approach and stimulate meaningful dialogue. Please recognize that further engagement and exploration are necessary for a comprehensive understanding of this multifaceted, very complex issue.”

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I’ve been asked more than a few times, “What side are you on?” in the context of the Israeli-Palestinian conflict. If you’re not familiar with the situation, I urge you to take the time to educate yourself about the world around you. I say this with all due respect.

 

Until now, my answer has been a simple “I’m not commenting.” However, some good people have interpreted this as me turning my back on humanitarian crises, which is absolutely not the case. So, I’ve decided to open up my thoughts for you to consider. Before you dismiss this and cast it aside, I want to make it clear that this isn’t your typical self-congratulatory piece that seems to proliferate among the celebrities worshipped by Westerners. Instead, I hope to leave you with something to ponder, perhaps even some thought-provoking questions.

 

This is my unwavering stance: war (no matter how it’s dressed up as a “conflict”) is utterly futile. It’s nothing but sanctioned murder carried out by leaders who fail to truly represent their people, or who have so deeply indoctrinated their citizens with propaganda that they’ve turned otherwise peace-loving individuals into instruments of violence, consumed by a thirst for the destruction of the other side.

 

I refuse to take a side in these situations. Firstly, as an American, I cannot fully comprehend the horrors that the Palestinian and Israeli people are enduring. I will never truly understand or imagine their experiences. Nevertheless, I empathize with them. I am human, with a compassionate heart, despite the efforts of our representatives here in the states to corrupt it and align it with one side. I will always stand with the people over their governments.

 

I’ve intentionally used the word “side” frequently in this piece. I believe that when you closely observe the conversations among my fellow Westerners during times like these, you’ll realize the pressure they feel to choose a “team,” as if this were merely a sports event and they were deciding whom to cheer for and which T-shirt to buy. Next time, just listen and observe the comments and discussions around you. You’ll notice this every time. We are compelled to pick a “side,” as if condemning one party means automatically supporting the other. I reject that notion.

 

I condemn the governments that have pushed their people into a situation where they must ask themselves, “Is today the day I die?” My solidarity lies with the Israeli and Palestinian individuals who simply yearn for a day without fear, for a semblance of normality. I stand with those who aspire to enjoy the everyday comforts that we as Americans often take for granted. I urge you to consider how they must feel.

 

We need to take a hard look at ourselves when we engage with the outside world. I go to sleep in peace, free from the sounds of explosions and screams that shatter the night, heralding new horrors each morning. Furthermore, we simply don’t listen. Not at all.

 

We rally behind public figures who, in our eyes, “take a stand,” when in reality, they often aren’t listening either. With a few exceptions, they act to make themselves feel good. Actually, I can’t say for sure because I don’t know them personally, and regardless of how much I enjoy their movies, I’ll never truly understand their motivations. I urge you to ask yourself: When was the last time I genuinely cared about something without a celebrity urging me to do so? I believe your answer might surprise you.

 

For me, I’ve always upheld the belief that murder is never acceptable. While we may joke about it and create fiction around it, there is no room for murder and war in a civilized society, in my view. This principle has always served me well, even though I’ve received plenty of criticism for it. I think we learn from an early age that our leaders and warmongers feed us lies to prepare us for conflict. I believe we all, at some point in our lives, become aware of the propaganda and insanity that our leaders and the leadership of other countries inundate our minds with on a daily basis, even if we pretend otherwise.

 

Consider the impact of war and murder. What have they achieved for anyone but the fools who perpetuate them? Look around and you’ll see the leaders of giant companies and the elected officials living in luxury, while the rest of us either struggle to make ends meet, endure hardships, or are forced to spill blood. But really, think about the positives. Can you name any besides the occasional monetary gain that might come your way? That’s all I see when I look at the world around us. I witness senseless death, unnecessary suffering, and a lot of us who should be ashamed of ourselves, masquerading as righteous individuals while we’re really just all talk and no action. We don’t listen.

 

What I mean by “we don’t listen” is that we often overlook the voices of those who are directly embroiled in the conflict. Instead of truly engaging with their perspectives, we tend to offer our own commentary without taking the time to understand their experiences and aspirations. It’s alarming that, more often than not, their voices go unheard, drowned out by the rhetoric of leaders who propagate the notion that war is an unavoidable reality. These leaders dismiss the plight of the people, falsely claiming that they benefit from the ongoing strife, when in truth, it is the civilians who bear the tremendous burden of the conflict’s consequences. It’s imperative that we make a concerted effort to amplify the voices of those directly affected by the conflict and to genuinely listen to their stories, concerns, and desires for a peaceful resolution. We also need to focus on the words we use, they carry immense power.

 

As Americans, it’s crucial for us to recognize that our societal discourse has sometimes been influenced by various forms of propaganda, leading us to inadvertently perpetuate racism, anti-Semitism, and anti-Palestinian sentiments. Our casual use of loaded terms like “genocide” and “holocaust” without fully understanding their historical weight contributes to this problem. We must strive to educate ourselves about the complexities of these issues and the impact of our words, ensuring that we do not perpetuate harmful stereotypes or contribute to the suffering of any group of people, be it the Jewish community, Palestinians, or any other marginalized population. By fostering a deeper understanding and empathy, we can work towards a more inclusive and respectful society.

 

I’ve noticed a recurring pattern in human behavior during my 36 years on this planet. Following 9/11, we employed language that fueled animosity toward the Muslim community, using words that served as incendiary devices, igniting our hatred toward those who were different and leaving a lasting mark on the fabric of America. Regrettably, in some quarters, this sentiment still lingers. We must, therefore, be vigilant not to unwittingly stoke the flames of antisemitism or anti-Palestinian attitudes within our own borders. As a nation that aspires to lead by example, we have, in all honesty, fallen short, demonstrating little besides a capacity for hate.

 

Amidst this discord, there are individuals of goodwill who seek to stand on the right side of history, and for their courage, I commend them. However, it is high time we advocated for humanity over “sides,” recognizing the imperative of considering our Jewish and Palestinian neighbors while directing our condemnation toward their leaders rather than casting blame upon them and their entire nations. We must refrain from falling into the propaganda traps that malevolent forces use to lure us into a cycle of hatred.

 

So when posed with the question “whose side are you on?” my unwavering response is and will always be: I side with the people.

We All Know We Are Going To Die.

an essay

One of the most peculiar sayings I’ve encountered is “what’s it like knowing you are going to die.” It strikes me as odd because, in truth, we all possess the awareness that our mortality is inevitable—it’s life’s sole guarantee.

As we journey through life, we are acutely aware of our eventual demise. Yet, we prefer not to dwell on it, and rightly so. While I have developed a deep understanding of death, the concept of “death being an old friend” has become somewhat clichéd. Death for me, has become a co-worker, one whom I am in no hurry to catch up with.

During a particular phase in my life, which I openly refer to as my darkest period, I found myself courting death. I yearned for it, embraced it, flirted with it, and ultimately had a fleeting physical connection with it. Like many overdramatic males who weren’t taught to embrace their feelings, I found myself in this state, after a rough divorce.

Additionally, my fondness for alcohol had transformed from a casual indulgence—a beer after work—into a destructive relationship. Whiskey had insidiously replaced my morning coffee, and soon it became a constant presence throughout the day. At the time I had left my wife for a younger woman, I was fortunate that she remained oblivious to the hidden bottles in our modest one-bedroom dwelling. Well, at least I believe she was unaware, although deep down, she probably knew. Despite that, she endured my struggles for a good year. Women truly possess incredible strength, more than men could ever wield.

When she finally did herself a great favor and ended our relationship, I plunged headfirst into the abyss of alcohol. One night, overwhelmed by the weight of it all, I reached a breaking point and attempted to hang myself. This is the part of my story where I implore you not to extend a strangely sympathetic gaze. I don’t perceive suicide as a shameful betrayal, or a tragic event, except for those left behind who bear the sorrow, they have my sympathies. For those genuinely consumed by thoughts of suicide, it becomes a painkiller—a respite from a dissatisfying existence they have endured until that moment.

Suicide seems to run in my family, or at least in the branches I am aware of. I have lost two cousins to suicide, individuals I deeply wish I could have engaged in a heartfelt conversation before they chose their own path. However, I also take solace in knowing that both of them discovered some form of peace through their own decisions and no longer have to endure suffering.

Before you label me as ghoulish or accuse me of glorifying suicide, I have one message for those who might consider it as an option: suicide is merely that—an option. I am living proof that it is not the sole path available to you. Sometimes, you must undergo a profound transformation and confront your demons head-on. As George Harrison once sang, and some pompous windbag probably said before him, “all things must pass.” Your pain will eventually fade, making way for happiness. However, achieving that happiness requires more effort than you may initially desire, medications, therapy sessions, support systems, and talking-plenty of talking. Life resembles a museum that forces you to wade through the muck to witness its most beautiful exhibits. Stay the course though, you wouldn’t want to miss out on the breathtaking parts.

As for myself, driven by an insane level of intoxication, I attempted to tie a rope to a ceiling fan-attach my neck to that, and step off my wicker coffee table, seeking an end. Please don’t judge me too harshly; remember, I was Jim Morrison drunk. Having consumed an entire bottle of Jack Daniels, I felt compelled to tell the world and life itself to go fuck…..itself. People often wonder, “What goes through your mind when you contemplate suicide?” While a preacher might suggest feelings of regret and visions of hellfire and brimstone awaiting those who take their own lives, my thoughts were fixated on one thing: “I hope I don’t piss my pants.”

Perhaps you were expecting a profound Kerouac-esque line there?

Fortunately, much like many aspects of my life leading up to that point, I had made a mistake. As it turns out, a ceiling fan is not equipped to support the weight of a sobbing, six-foot, two hundred and twenty-pound drunkard. The damn thing tore away from the ceiling, leaving me suspended just long enough to lose consciousness. When I eventually came to, instead of encountering brimstone, I found myself lying on the cheap carpet of my overpriced one-bedroom “luxury” apartment. 

Immediately after the failed attempt, I vomited, the convulsions exacerbated by the strain my neck had endured—a sensation akin to having a tight zip tie wrapped around it. The silver lining? I didn’t piss my pants.

Following that incident, my life spiraled further into a whirlwind of drinking, fleeting encounters with women, more drinking, involvement with older women, yet more drinking, engaging in bar fights, more drinking, brawls in dimly lit alleys, and, of course, more drinking. It would take several more years before I could confront my inner demons and truly conquer my struggle with alcohol, I have my wife to thank for that portion of my story. However, that is a tale for another time.

 What I can share with you now is that my perspective on life underwent a fundamental shift. I began to treat life with greater reverence and, in turn, developed a deeper respect for death. It was no longer something to casually welcome; instead, it commanded respect and demanded a healthy acceptance. Now, at the age of thirty-six, I find myself, perhaps for the first time in my life, no longer yearning for death.

Certainly, fleeting intrusive thoughts occasionally make their presence known, but they are now easily managed and often even laughable. I perceive each passing year as a precious gift. Every time I wake up, I am grateful for the simple act of breathing and, of course, for not having to deal with any untimely accidents in my pants. 

Life, in its essence, lacks a predetermined purpose, but within it, one must seek out fragments of beauty. We must discover those pockets of solace that bring us joy and fortitude. The nature of these discoveries may vary for each individual, whether through practices like meditation and therapy or through religious epiphanies—although the latter may depend on one’s denomination. The best advice I can leave you with is-Waste no time on hatred, waste no time on ideologies that diminish the value of this life by treating it merely as a transient stepping stone towards a supposedly better afterlife. Waste absolutely no time. Love others, learn to appreciate everyone who has had a positive impact in your life, strive to harbor less hatred. Don’t squander time; it is a limited resource.

We all possess the knowledge of our impending mortality, yet the precise timeframe remains uncertain. By the time you read these words, I could already be deceased. In that case, greetings from beyond the grave! Again, there is no point to life other than to live it and embrace both the wonderful and challenging times that allow us to experience the full range of human emotions. We are incredibly fortunate that the grand artist of nature and evolution brought us into existence from the stars. We may be insignificant, but we are art.

As I reflect on my late cousins, particularly Stephanie, I am reminded to appreciate the simple pleasures of life, such as basking in the warmth of the sun or observing the blooming flowers in the yard. I vividly recall her description of how the sky transforms into watercolors during a sunset, a memory from a family lake trip many years ago. Thinking of them inspires me to seek out beauty and truly live the moments they cannot.

Always remember, everything is transient, including our own lives. Therefore, it is crucial to find inner peace, love, and joy however, wherever, and whenever possible.

We all know we are going to die, so let’s make sure not to forget, to live.