A Note For The Next Guy

By Leigh B Evans

—From the desk of Golon R. Harding—

Welcome to the lab. Your handbook should provide you with most of the procedures and rules you need to know. However, there are a few important points that are not covered in the handbook. One such point is weighing the sassaprene brain.

When weighing a normal sassaprene brain, it is crucial to ensure that the correct tools are utilized.

For instance, it is important to never handle a sassaprene brain with bare hands. While this may seem like common sense, it is not always widely known. The brain of a sassaprene emits spores similar to the common fungus found in forest beds. These spores can infect nearby hosts, including you. Once infected, the host develops an unnatural urge to consume the sassaprene brain’s tissue, leading to a significant transformation into a sassaprene. I trust I don’t need to elaborate on the consequences that follow.

Furthermore, as mentioned earlier, the presence of spores necessitates the next safety precaution: always wear the provided facial covering upon entering the lab. This measure is crucial for both our safety and yours.

Regarding the weighing process, please utilize the weights provided by the lab, which are specifically designed to mimic the weight of a human brain. Weigh each sassaprene brain and compare it to the provided weights. Take note of the weight of each sassaprene brain, paying particular attention to any changes. Any alteration in the weight of the common sassaprene brain may signify evolutionary developments.

We appreciate your dedication to the company, and we trust that you will diligently adhere to all rules regarding lab conduct and safety. If you have any concerns or questions, please do not hesitate to seek guidance.

Thank you for your valuable service.

Hail Lord Genesis!

Sincerely,

Harding